Never say goodbye

His 4th birthday was November 4th.  He's got brown eyes, red hair, and the smile that no one can resist. The little boy that I love has been returned to his family. For three days solid, I cried. Anytime I saw a sock he accidentally left behind, tears. I would hear the Paw Patrol theme song, more tears. I would see his picture on my phone, snotty, ugly cry. I didn't have closure. I didn't get to hug him goodbye. I was angry. I was sad. It's not goodbye though.

I've seen him once since he's left my care. He'd grown and learned so much more! He spoke in full, coherent sentences. He was fully potty trained and still loves Paw Patrol. He barely remembered me but asked me about other caregivers. He even threw a fit because he knew I was going back to a place he still calls home. I cried the whole way home. It's not goodbye.

I've learned that only God can create the ultimate Goodbye. The English language is particularly dangerous language. People say goodbye or bye, even bye bye, without realizing that that may not be a true statement. As a follower of Christ, I believe that I'll be reunited with my loved ones in heaven. I'll believe that until my earthly death. I have Eternal Life. It's not goodbye.

Do I still cry when I think about him? Of course! Do I still pray that he's loved and safe? Always! Another child takes his place in my home, but not in my heart. I couldn't have made it through any of this without the man that the Lord provided me with! He's done everything to help ease my mind that there are always children to love in our home, even if he isn't here. We were going to try and adopt him. We didn't have the chance. And that's alright. It's not goodbye.

Jesus spoke well of children. He knew that the faith of a child was something not to be taken lightly. The Lord knows that children have faith smaller than a mustard seed. Faith that there's love, there's the truth, there is safety. And I have faith in Christ that this child is safe and loved! He is loved! By several people! Going by the Sanctuary model, that's what Christ is to everyone. He is Sanctuary.

I love you, Little Boy! Even when I know that the circumstances you encounter are not within my control! I have faith that you are safe with your family and that they love you!